he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've blown a few things in my day
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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