i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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