You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
