false alarm. still invincible.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
