What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
