i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
