Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
