We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
