i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
