Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
