i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drake has all the answers
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
