Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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