he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
