his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
