Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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