I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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