i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
