i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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