The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
