My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
