i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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