I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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