I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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