I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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