In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
