I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize