Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
