They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
