And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
