So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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