I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
