Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
