can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
