the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize