Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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