i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
