I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
