You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
