with your own penis?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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