They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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