he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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