I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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