Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
