I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
