i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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