It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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