Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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