we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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