This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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