He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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