I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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