walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
