You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
