I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize