thus making me awesome and them whores
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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