Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
two words: eviction party
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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