you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
