Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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