Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Will exercising make me less horny?
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