Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
