shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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