He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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