I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize