I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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