Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
