Dual....:-)
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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