I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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