I can text with my tongue
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize